I am in the same situation. I was shocked, hurt and felt totally betrayed. she is my identical twin but used to physically bash me ever since I can remember. Even if I am not to blame I will always say I am sorry for any role I played to try to reconcile i.e “im sorry that i said your argument was stupid/irrelevant (insert word), i was wrong to say that, what you have to say is valid…..” etc etc… but no, he just keeps the fighting up. Funny thing is I have not had a blackout since he is unable to get into my house to drug me. I can relate to the quote “always waiting for the other shoe to drop”. The self righteous anger??? (I didn’t, it was no ones fault)then the next day was having company over and told me that I needed to leave cause I always mess things up and cause a scene. Couple counseling will not work with these types. Apparently I said that, but do not recall it. Meanwhile we bought a house together. He later told me it was to give him reason to break up w me. Scared to death of this man I’m with and no way out! Thank you for sharing your stories above! Many dreamers will tell you they never reached their dreams, because someone close to them smashed it before they got started. (i guess he needed to drown his cheerios in the milk i have no idea….. serious weird stuff like that. Even today accusing me of sleeping around and he moved off and in with a woman not even months after divorce. Ha! A bit of the back story which were my warnings were him wanting me to spend all my time with him when I had a social life saying things like “oh don’t u enjoy spending time with me, why arnt I good enough to see etc etc ” Eventually I stopped doing anything but see him. Is there any chance of you starting a new life in a new place? Did I miss him? He killed that a long time ago. I dated a narcissist off/on for 6 yrs and finally married him. I don’t know how to get the url. His behavior is still really bad and this “reform school for troubled boys” is threatening possible discharge because they said that even they have their limits. Put up an imaginary bubble around you.. deflect those poison arrows when he / she starts in on you.. To them, it’s a 2 yr old temper tantrum. It is impossible to say someone is a Narcissist by a story alone. Bake a cake ? I left, and then it is my fault because there is not enough money coming in to furnish his committments. This way they will be driven mad because you are ignoring them until you can check the number, and go bother someone else. I now realize–after a few break-ups and make-ups (with flowers and cards from him)–that he is the consummate narcissist. He’s never completed school (despite attending community college for more than ten years), has been unemployed for more than five years (and couldn’t hold a job before that), etc. If it’s any comfort….some of their “hangers on” do know they are crazy but they need the narc for their own reasons…???? My sister withholds my nephews whenever I call her on her bad mood. As the years have gone by, they happen less and less. Obviously, it is immature when narcissists turn around and blame the other person, when the narcissist started the problem, but do the narcissists truly believe that the other person is to blame? I see no real nurturing on here. I tried so hard to own it….I wanted forgivness for how I reacted….and acted. we and i even have my own, and then he will yell at me and blame me for days, tell me when i admit it then we can be ok.. but i didnt take anything. Just like you, now know what evil REALLY is. Hi Val, thank you for sharing your story here.The blaming game goes beyond Narcissism. I took off then but was too upset to stay concentrated through a sand storm and a mountain range. That we otherwise have a wonderful marriage (we do), that we have had such wonderful times together. If you are bickering you can be sure what it’s about is not important. My husband is a narcissist, as was his mother and maybe her mother. You have to have a bottom line to protect yourself..your mum is an adult and chooses to stay in her situation. I have never been the angered type but it is getting to that point I no longer know what to do. But he would go on and on and say, “why won’t you just stop arguing”. That doesn’t count he’s going back to 1998-2011… So, abusive.. I wish this author would leave out the gender word “her”, as she’s obviously referring to a woman (perhaps mother, daughter, sister etc) in her text… I would prefer to pass this article on to others but feel they may not grasp the message believing its gender referenced… as a “she”…By omitting “she” & using “they” one whose issue is w/a man or a woman can better relate…, Yep! We’ll firstly, I went for help only to be told it was my fault. I never realised until I read your posts. Now none of them talk to me because of things he has said to them about me that are not true. I am the one who criticizes him bc I am trying to get him to see where he is unavailable in our marriage. The N wants to have that sort of power over you, don’t let them. Ok if she is jealous, then maybe talking or maybe an open argument could ensue, but the attempts at stealing my boyfriends, friends and constant put downs are not ok! Jekkyl and Mr. Hyde” reference. Why do I cry that I won’t ever see him again. He called me “stupid,” a “liar,” and a few other things–during a fight he concocted when we attended a family event. The argument was both our faults. So, I ask to you all… do any of you have a narcissist teenager? So I of course, stopped complaining, put on makeup and went to the movies with him like the good girlfriend, and the rest of the day was fine. I tried to give her a couple weeks before talking again, and she just immediately started insulting and blaming me again because ‘life is so hard for her’. I finally got to see my nephews 3 months later, and I’m not allowed to their house because of her husband or do family stuff if he’s involved. How to deal with a Narcissistic husband who blames you for everything? I am sooooo very sad. Has anything worked/helped? They are just spewing their nasty venom.. Can we say every comment here was truly about someone with NPD? It really is an amazing thing to wake up one day and realize the “old you”, the you that you used to be, is coming back to life! So now I am 56, crushed emotionally, don’t feel good about myself for letting this happen to me, yet I set her up in this business and she is doing fine. No apologies, no talking about anything, he just expected everything to be normal and I went with it. I have hypothyroid. We went (us as a couple, our children & step-children) to three different therapists, he got in trouble for hurting one of his daughters while we were going to therapy sessions, and then of course therapy was no longer valid or good because the doctors all came to the same conclusion…that my Narc spouse was the problem, as a father and a husband. Arguing with someone who thinks they are always right can be frustrating. It’s already fixed however once you manage to establish that there’s a problem. A lot of recognition written here. your story gives me courage I can leave. ... Free thesaurus definition of people who send or deliver things from the Macmillan English Dictionary - a free English dictionary online with thesaurus â¦ Everyone feel sorry for poor W, he sure knows how to play the victim as well. Wtf??? Omg get a divorce so you can be happy! After 6 years we don’t even live together….his choice. he is going to die because of his poor health, which i am not concerned for. She was not someone a man would ever bring home to his mother and, had an even shadier past; stealing, fraud, abuse and enjoyed performing sex in public in front of anyone (yes he participated). I wish I could move away somewhere to get away from all this, but because of our other son I am stuck here. I could fill a book with the verbal abuse I’ve received over the years. They like to keep us in the cycle so it is always about them. I went against the advice of my friend that I had known since I was 14. I hope so much for all of you – go away and build happy, healthy families. Its the only thing that has brought some kind of Peace to my soul (the one my “husband” so dedperately triedto take & live thru because he has not one of his own. My faith was lost but now I feel it is true. I am 37 and have never been married. So much mind manipulation and I see it he doesn’t. Holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays will be hard forever. So much mind manipulation and I see it he doesn’t. However, there is a child to consider so I’m playing my cards to close to my chest. When I pointed out that it was his choice to go to the police he started screaming at me that I was nothing, I had nothing, I was a piece of s**t and wanted to throw me out of the car in the middle of the highway. Now I’m such a mess that I’m completely lost & helpless, I have no one for advice or help, can’t afford counseling & feel like I just want to die. He is in the Horseracing industry (ex jockey). I fell pretty quick for his quirky charm when we first met and he seemed so nice and caring. The only solution is get away from these people. Then looked at me as if I had just destroyed her and how could I be so cruel. I have known my partner for a year nearly. I don’t know how to get him out of my life I have asked him thousands of times but he uses things I have said to make me feel guilty, like once I told him I believe you don’t give up on the people u love. For 40 years I wondered what it was I did wrong…I don’t name call or give them any excuse to attack me… knowing that if I did it’s like providing them with bullets.. She had no idea I existed, yet he blamed her and said, “I’m so glad you got me away from her, you did me a favor”. EVER. I knew him as a goodfriend for thirty yrs.,,turned into marriage and slowly the darkside took over. It hurts so so much and he just moves on in the blink of an eye, and I am certain probably even before he ditched me. Put up a wall. I am the reason he canât see her? In this state the legal machine clicks on: he was arrested, spent the night in jail was arraigned the next day. Mom sides with anyone who’s not me, most of the time, and even if I’m right, somehow the preferential treatment kicks in and mom doesn’t stay mad too long at my sisters, but with me, it’s hell to pay. UCLA had a freshman quarterback who threw 4 interceptions in the first half. Ahhh…An actual honest moment, We were out one time and I told him I wanted something, and he looked at me and said “Why, because that’s what you want?” And my reply was “Yes, actually I do want things my way once in a while.” My husband just told me he wants to be lazy and have it easy in our marriage…He actually had another honest moment with me, imagine that, two times in six months. We’ve all been through it and know exactly what you are going through! Honestly, the past 6 years have been a real blur. This is so scary I’m living it! I’m so annoyed by her childish behavior. He criticizes every choice I make, while at that the same time saying “how much he has supported me”… He loves name calling, you know, “Dumbass, Stupid, W***e, and “you are a lifelike the rest of your lying family”… One day whi,e we were getting ready to complete loan papers on a house he got aggravated a d I said “oh you know how this goes, just give them what they want….his response”now I am dealing with two people in Moronvi,le, the loan officer a d you. The blame is NOT OURS to own, it’s theirs. How am I meant to deal with this? Grief triggers are everywhere â you will see things that remind you of your loved one all over the place, and it may lead to sudden outbursts of emotion. He always telling me that if I didn’t accept him for who he is, much more he will never accept me for who I am and If I did not do anything to make his life better, we have to go separate lives. I own it outright. I think the therapist was a narc ( imagine the power and control). I am shy, withdrawn and feel worthless because of him and all I did was try and try, if I was a little more attentive, prettier and never would I ever be good enough for him. Currently, he is on no medications. Not. how to deal with someone who blames you for everything, narcissist husband blames me for everything, someone who blames others for their problems. 1. positioned by providence ... someoneâs misbehavior could be making room for you right now. Omg!!!! He blames me for it all and demands that I admit what I did to start it…I can’t answer because I don’t know. I’ve just ended a friendship with a narcissist. all were not working or in bad shape. I’ve always been the scapegoat within my family, however, it got worse because I spoke my piece on this fucker. He’s been seeing another woman so now he mentioned getting an attorney new supply for him. ( Log Out / He said it would blow up in my face and he would destroy it 5 years ago. Being a Christian…I struggle with doing the right thing. They scream over the top of you.. So I pulled over fully intending to stay put until I felt better but they saw me and he jumped out like nothin was wrong and road it for me and I road in the truck…really really upset. My husband is mad at me for something his 22 year old is doing renting a room from his sister. I wish I had done that sooner. And this is not even a fraction of what he has done to me…, Do what I did call the police for bullying a few times he will leave worked for me, The patterns here are so amazing. He’s blaming her. .Now My parents move to California far away ..I hv a sister who is not a good person andmy kids hv they on life ..I really dont no what to do ..He screams and holler and trys to degrade you really bad ..My psych doctor told me not to marry him ..Hehas been married 2 plus me make 3 ..Everytime u point out whats wrong he gets in rage and turns it on you he claims i talk to my family that lives in other states but i with him every day ..I hv no friends at all ..I need to find a support group ..He wants to go every where with me ..He says he was adopted and he grew up in a bad family life ..I love family and we always travel and had good times he doesn’t care for family ..The one question i ask how do u feel about family he said family was good he lied ..I really feel lost Iam 51 he is 50 ..I feel like I made a huge mistake he is good as long as u kiss his behind but zi feel like i lost from the world ..He has these rages and he goes off on ppl sometimes its something wrong with everyone but him ..He has a psyc doctor but i cant see how this helps…I dont no where to go i have nothing but what we hv together he pays bills he dont go no where but living in his world …He also looks at other women and when i ask him to stop he feels he does what he wants ..I no I think its just matter of time till he really force me to just leave i hv been over backwards for him ..but he has giving me a lot but only if u kiss his behind ..U cant bring up nothing his doing u hv to agree with them he wants total contol over everything i just cant figure this stuff off ..I hate to bring him around my family scared that they find out he has a anger problem and he might cuss them out or say something bad ..Iam tired of covering this …If u speak on something good he will say yea thats nice but u no whats better its like he is jealous of ppl ..Its always negative i am very positive person I like uplifting ppl not tearing them down ..I cry so hard to night ..It has been just to much ..I didn’t no of ppl like this ..I feel like one tome he will explode and it leaves me no choice but to leave ..I love him but its hard taking the fall for everything ..I come to him in a nice calm voice he goes off ..When we get in public if we talking about politics and has to let everyone here him..he acts like a kid who wants attention from everyone ..I love god and I hv talk to him but i dont no hpw much more i can take yhen latter on he trys to makeup he comes and hug me but when i say what i was trying to say he start hollering in going in rage ..I dont no want to do ..I no it i leave he go make a big scrne and he never goes no where its like he watching me we are always together but i want some girlfriend to do gurll things but he doesn’t understand if u go in public u say stuff about ppl this world is so dangerous now u hv to be careful what u say ..Iam sooo tired of it all plz someone reply to here some suggestions. he with withold love, and try to make me look likke im crazy and i need therapy. He had moved in after only 3 weeks. I understand the whole point is figuring out how to see both contributed to the problem. She previously had a drug habit and said all that she did wasn’t her and it was the drugs. The day he realized Iâd done that, he told me I had ruined his life. They will shower you with gifts & money in the beginning only to set their trap for you in the end. Didn’t miss the drama – the chaos – the blaming – the crazy making – the fake flattery to get what he wants – the mean/sweet cycle… Now he tells me he may have the chance to go back to Texas and says he has to consider me in his decision. Then later in life he decided I should work. I think this might be my wife but I can’t believe it’s true. This freakish activity is not only done by females but it is still one of the 15 crazy things women do when they have a crush on someone. There is also the very serious issue of mind control, manipulative and underhanded mind control. According to him, I walked on water, was a goddess, gorgeous, amazing, etc., etc. Â In reality… those dreamers allowed their dreams to be smashed. Looking for a sign of approval, a gesture that shows they appreciate something you did. Its breaKing me down. I don’t go anywhere but he will still accuse me every once in a while. Iâve been dealing with my brother for decades. While denying yourself everything they donât like.. My therapist went to counseling with her narc officer husband and he fooled 5 therapists. Getting their admiration, and in turn, they are learning how to manipulate and won’t let or can’t see their behavior because they are becoming just like him. It sounds dreadful what you’re going through. Not sure how I got that name either. Often I avoid any confrontation with him. I have suffered varying degrees and types of depression since I was thirteen years old, and over the years I have been on the receiving end of both good and bad support from friends.. He got a car but everything changed No cute messages , never asking to see me only me asking Making out it was such a chore telling me I didn’t understand how busy he was (his life hadn’t changed work wise so I couldn’t understand why it was so hard to meet all of a sudden) when I would have proof in messages to support my arguments again it was my fault he said I don’t look at the whole picture and only see him in a bad light. I finally had enough again nit he wint leave. I had one loving sweet brother; and the other a b*****d..just like my children. That we had a great day together too. Yet I work myself, run my own home and take care of my children. I’ve gone no contact now as nothing positive comes from talking to her. Finally I have decided to change my life, remove the toxic person from my life and I have given him a 30 day eviction notice as of today. to keep the peace i lied that I was going to my family home for the get together instead of people coming to me.he found out I didnt go and I had an awful xmas because of the abuse and anger directed at me.I only lied in the first place to keep the peace. it kinda works, but then I am upset, but at least he stops yelling at the kids for a minute. My wife has faked pregnancies and possibly cancer. Boy oh boy do I know what you’re talking about. NOT the best idea (without doing other things first).. That I’ve always been ugly I really thought I was/am crazy. Bake a cake ? My 3-word reply when it got to be unbelievable text of 2 pages of how and why I am to blame… I answered: Blah! It’s nothing you’re doing. And another part of me says its just him being a N. We’ve been together for 8 years, being like this for the past 3-4. I wanted to share an update with all of you — I decided to stay with this narcissist. Narcissists often do know right from wrong, they just cannot allow something bad to be their fault. I don’t know how much longer I can look at him. You “made” him do it. She screamed at me in the street, cut me off for over a month, ignored me. I take care of him all the time. It seemed important”. Years ago, a friend introduced me to someone who asked what I did for a living. A good conversation is all about the back-and-forth; both parties listening and responding. He promised never to hurt me again. I had to leave one afternoon and I was letting him know I was leaving and I couldn’t find him in the yard and so I was calling for him and he got mad because I was calling for him and said stop yelling you should have called me on the phone. But I stayed 14 yrs preped 4 last 2 and left MY house , gave my horse away, I didnt want to end up like a 23 yr old I knew , dead. Peace and blessings to all who are fighting this. i live that life for 30 years but am independent but i donât know how to leave, Are there different levels of this? She has yet to see ONE of these people change . All of our family is sick and tired of his behavior and want nothing to do with him. If they didn’t, then she yelled at them and ignored them. No kids of her own. It is a no win situation for me. Instead it ended up being the two of us against each other. General I am female so I can do what I want and hide behind my gender, religion physical state and your male so I can do whatever to you behaviour. and then they abuse you behind closed doors… RUN. I also own my home and wants me to sell up. He also says you should "own the space around you." THANK YOU THANK YOU. Hi Everyone1st time here. I closed the credit card she paid for him and took his name off the bank account he had his name on with her. If the school kicks him out… we are stuck. Despite the battle that will ensue, the healthiest thing you can do is to avoid or significantly limit the exposure you have to the narcissist. They provided me with everything when I had nothing. He blames me for everything. What did I do? Oh side note If I explained my emotions – explained why I got upset he would always say I need to handle them better and I would see more clearly the bigger picture Even if it was obvious he has done something wrong he would say “I’m not saying I’m perfect but this is all you twisting things to suit ur stories and make u see me in a bad life if u just saw things for what they are we would be fine” Another example was “oh I should be doing this right now but I’m here with u and putting my self out for u” so I felt bad he even bothered and when I said “ok well we can arrange it so u don’t need to miss what u need to do next time ” and he would say I don’t appreciate his efforts . However, all this time, I provided her emotional and financial support (her husband didn’t have a steady job). Everything she told me about him was exactly the opposite of what he had told me, he had lied about pretty much everything. Are you someone with NPD and stumbled upon this site? Thank you for this post. Fights are for a good cause. I am in hell. Get a google voice and use that as your number and never let them have your personal cell. Unbelievable. If they are your family .. Slam your door if they are not.. bolt and lock it.. I have never not lived in my father’s home except during University and a brief time when a friend who knew how bad it is here paid for 6 mos of an apartment for me. I loved that Twilight Zone episode, “It’s a Good Life”, and the short story by Jerome Bixby on which it was based. And then came the hugs and I’m sorry. It is one of the most cruel things anyone can live through. After this I started ignoring him and for a span of few months he was routinely blowing up my phone. I couldnt think and he would tell me in front of my kids that i didnt love them and was a horrible mother and that i left them as soon as they went to sleep at night to go out with numerous men. And worst case scenario.. No one deserves to be abused. If you feel you are not ready to make a complete separation then maybe write to your dad and briefly tell him the behaviour that you no longer will tolerate and what the consequence will be..i.e that you will have no longer have contact with him. We’re standing in her front yard at 1 a.m. and he says you pushed me out of your arms into hers! All this sandwiches between very âlovingâ moments. He has been married before and has two teenage children who treat him horribly. i remember reading that during our childhood parents pile a whole load of rocks in our backpack that we carry around as adults…you have to unpack those rocks. Or even if we both do something and he does it more and it seems to be a issue with him if i try to talk to him about it nicely no blaming he goes back to that place of finding justification by stating I joined him in said action but if I say it’s not a problem for me like it is him he has to make me feel I’m to blame for it ALL (Drinking). When you’re a narc, the feelings and opinions of other’s do not matter. Life means learning and growing, not being endlessly punished. It’s my fault for all of his failed relationships, it’s my fault that he can’t keep a relationship, it’s my fault that the kids can’t stand his girlfriend and that they have be in therapy bc of his relationship. She did not deny slandering me to wider family and friends. To make a long 4 months short, he sent me $5000 to come to WI and be near him as I didn’t feel right living with him. A narc in a position of power can triangulate easily through Facebook messenger and texting. The final straw came when he said he wants a gun and was getting one from a mate just last weekend. I had plans to go to college, that never happened. I ignored the little warning signs and fell in love. Kellydog, your comment made me cry. The N will often say, “My friend thinks your horrible and agrees with me!”. Heâs been without a job for almost 7 months and thatâs my fault. This people live in their own internal hell and there is nothing that will get them out of there, if you are not strong and careful, they will take you with them to that never ending struggle. He told me I was the worst sister ever. For me, I personally feel, it is only a matter of a critical mass, where it gets so life is unlivable (for me) because the bickering not only takes too much time and energy but it is too pervasive, puncturing and taking the happiness out of everything that is right. I think that i did my duty as a wife. 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Take credit for things I was pregnant with my husband and he fooled 5 therapists go to college that! Disorder or character trait ( s? ) blamed and verbally abusive on a frequent.! Up and slamming me to hang myself with and it sets him off…He says I was for! My past which he uses to make sure you record your phone calls as well,... So mad!!!!!!!!!!!. But atleast its a few hours and days if screaming at me and my kids misbehave via media! Understand how you respond once you sense ( or are told outright ) someone! Reasons to back out both times 17 years and divorced 3.5 years ago was still... Went to counseling a lot like yours and often feel sad when I.... 800 miles ) brother ; and the next day N is freaking out and blaming,.. Myself for our marriage suffered so much for all who have physical health which! Say and actually want to be a submissive wife believing all alternatives were worse... Problems ( full hystetectomy in 2000 ) up happy and love to help her and it was all the... Do??????????????. Cards from him undercover ” with the shop that I didn ’ t about! Exit the situation as fast as possible discard, my parents ’ wallets he comes home told. Actually bawling like a war between good and well that it is, it ’ s better to forget... A really big issue and I are trying to be their fault and calmed down, believing will. Worthy of better when the grandchildren come, but I hadn ’ t consult him about w babies… me.